At this present moment if I were to define my state of mind it would be a simple one-word summation – confused. Yet I press on because that is what life is all about. You may be shaky and sorrowful inside yet you have to pull on…..
Refuting the evergreen optimists, I’d say, life, as such, is not a propellor. It may provide you with motivating and catalytic opportunities , however, there are times when best of efforts towards a set direction come to naught. Going by the divine machination, if nullification evinces a process of elimination then the obvious question that props up is: “if this is not, then what?”
I know I am not to fathom or judge the Divine Will. I agree that is exactly what I am up to and that is perhaps why I am more baffled and dejected than ever. But in the final analysis I am human and I want to hold on to something in life, even if it is a mere illusion. And illusions being illusions, they can be as wispy as ever.
So, the stark reality is that I am back to square one. And when I try to decode God’s encrypted message in-between the steep declines of failures, I come to a dead end.
Perhaps the answer lies in the quest itself and not in the despairing dilemma. Yet…..as I trudge on in search of the next milestone, bewitched and befuddled, the blinding signages beckon me with witchy guile and the ghoulish wind almost throws me out of path with a satanic hiss,”This is not for you…no….. not for you…..no …….never for you.”
And I, like the one possessed, lurch on forward with that same ancient query on my querrulous lips, “if this is not, then what…….then what……then what?”