At this present moment if I were to define my state of mind it would be a simple one-word summation – confused. Yet I press on because that is what life is all about. You may be shaky  and sorrowful inside yet you have to pull on…..

Refuting the evergreen optimists, I’d say, life, as such, is not a propellor. It may provide you with motivating and catalytic opportunities , however, there are times when best of efforts towards a set direction come to naught. Going by the divine machination, if nullification evinces a process of elimination then the obvious question that props up is: “if this is not, then what?”

I know I am not to fathom or judge the Divine Will. I agree that is exactly what I am up to and that is perhaps why  I am more baffled and dejected than ever. But in the final analysis I am human and I want to hold on to something in life, even if it is a mere illusion. And illusions being illusions, they can be as wispy as ever.

So, the stark reality is that I am back to square one. And when I try to decode God’s encrypted message in-between the steep declines of failures, I come to a dead end.

Perhaps the answer lies in the quest itself and not in the despairing dilemma.  Yet… I trudge on in search of the next milestone, bewitched and befuddled, the blinding signages beckon me with witchy guile and the ghoulish wind almost throws me out of path with a satanic hiss,”This is not for youno….. not for you… …….never for you.”

And I, like the one possessed, lurch on forward with that same ancient query on my querrulous lips, “if this is not, then what…….then what……then what?”


From Google

This Post is in response to WordPress Daily Prompt : Dilemma


About gc1963

A working woman with interests in reading, writing, music, poetry and fine arts.

14 responses »

  1. jmathur says:

    Hope, you get an answer from within. Sometimes a phase called incubation helps in getting the long-sought answers. Give your mind a break and thus wait unknowingly for the answer to emerge from nowhere. It’s a friendly advice only Geeta Ji. Please don’t treat it as a sermon. Your maturity level and wisdom go much higher than those of mine.

    Jitendra Mathur

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Amit Agarwal says:

    Almost exactly my thoughts too..but I couldn’t have expressed them so beautifully!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. If this is not, then what? Is that what mid life crisis all about? I, too, find myself asking the same questions. You’ve just summed it up so very well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • gc1963 says:

      No mid life crisis was not on my mind when I wrote this post. It’s more than about frustrated dreams and desires. And also about life as a whole. You have to keep on asking these questions to yourself intermittently. Thanks for visiting my post…

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Questions beget more questions. Answers are rare. I love this piece!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Akhila says:

    there is no dead end to anything in his world while we live in an expanding universe.. so dont worry upon the questions shoot by one’s own mind..

    Liked by 2 people

  6. jesh stg says:

    Saw your comment on another blog, and am trying to connect with more wordpress blogs – is not as easy as it is on Blogspot. If I am at this point, I ask for dreams and signs, because there is nothing more agonizing that not knowing which path to go. Hope you’ll find it soon:)

    Liked by 1 person

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