2012 has given way to 2013.
Time’s linearity has once again been infallibly subscribed to and the usual chronicled with faithful diligence. The sun beamed up from the East. The smoky blue sky, a miasma of pollution and dirt, cupped the white fluffy clouds. The grass, still thankfully green, fluttered and the trees strong and strapping housed flocks of birds, which were by some divine conspiracy still not extinct. The eventide brought a fading glow to the Western end of the firmament. As night fell, the moon strode in like a tongue-in-cheek tag line to our dear old mad cap of a planet going over-the-top, literally so, orbiting around her Old Flame with unmitigated gusto. Wonder she hasn’t had a massive head swing by now and petered into nothingness!!! Well, that would be much better than her own children doing the same to her with their devastative manifestoes.
Nothing’s changed so far. Yet, the first day of January resurrected history from prophesied doom.
A customary post, emotional and reminiscent, an overview of what was and what will be is yet not out-of-place or quite that irrelevant and those promising resolves to one’s own selves? So, here I go:
2012: It was not so good, not so bad either. Some parts were grueling, some not so hard on mind, body, soul and in part considerably noteworthy! Strange how indulgent we are to remembered hurt and angst! Keeping the tradition intact I’d say, airily or otherwise, the time gone by was a subtle tight rope walk between content and discontent. Contentment comes with an inbuilt quantum of enforced gratitude which inevitably injects fear and nurtures an aversion to adventure. We are happy to be confined. The ‘enough’ in the coffer puts a definite full-stop to more. Having derisively snubbed the soaring inflation the smugness defined sufficiency. The missing pair of gloves and a fur-lined coat, once high on priority purchase list, somehow diminished in urgency, when a stiff, lifeless body huddled in a subway froze the headlines. A comfortable homestead, when the mercury outside touched 450 and above or dipped to 2, appeared to be the ultimate luxury!! At least I wasn’t one of those one lakh in the city who spent the night shivering on the frozen asphalt under the bare star lit canopy of the sky. A 9 to 5 job that didn’t require me to venture out at odd hours suddenly seemed a blessing when a twenty three year old butchered, battered and brutalized by a pack of carnivores breathed her last leaving the city numb with shock and grief.
(I think I should replace the ‘was’ with an ‘am’)
The dissatisfactions, quite a few, once again prove irrevocably that I am human and inherently ungrateful. The opportunities which I thought I was ripe for didn’t quite come by, the strangled wishes, a dozen or more, made me resentful of the responsibilities which came in the way of their fulfillment, a job saturated and lacking in challenge and creativity and dreams shackled hopelessly to thresholds which did not allow a cross over to vaster avenues, yes, as I enlist them the infinite possibilities which never matured mock me while the futility of the whole exercise caps my pen – a wise move for sure!
2013: Hope is something to live for. Hope is something to die for. Future at this point seems rosy and cozy because of the unprecedented booty of hope invested into it. I hope to do so much and so little. So much in terms of the associated excitement, indulgence and expectations and so little in terms of magnitude – marginal and inconsequential things, yet founts of joy, which make life easy, me more at peace with myself and the Earth more livable. Of course there are those customary dos and donts, those attractive mandates and those lame excuses which follow suit, too often too frequently. Nevertheless let me inhale deep the fragrances of the soil each morning – the redolence in the air, the freshness of the greens, the life that surrounds with all its power and promise. Let me refrain from dousing myself with deadlines which I am sadly habitual of. Vamoose once in a while to those unchartered territories which beckon in dreams. Bugger-off the perfectionist and welcome the carefree. Sharpen pen & pencil and untie the dusty drapes wrapped over a heap of unlettered words playing hide and seek in the remote recesses of mind. The biggest is yet to come. Let’s hurt & learn – break that reclusive shell and let the vulnerable chic out in the big, bad world. Go the Zen way – be aware of the awareness within. Say no to the control freak inside and accept Nature with its intrinsic disorderly surprises. Be with the loved ones…always… and above all converge the dissipated strength and focus to abide by these glorious musts.
Until then tick…tock…tick…tock