I had written my last blog on a heap of rubble. My house was under massive repair. It took no time for the workmen to hammer down the periphery which they had themselves outlined with great care a few years back. It was amazing how blow after blow they struck mercilessly till dust and debris mounted and bricks lay bare. I asked Jagdish, the head foreman, didn’t he feel bad tearing down his own handiwork so pitilessly. ”Main banaaunga na?”  (Am I not going to rebuild it ?) was his laconic reply.  Strange, I thought, how with amazing simplicity and brevity he philosophized the act and art of making and breaking, assembling, disassembling and reassembling, order to disorder and back – time’s calamitous and reclaiming mood in unison!

A month and a half later, life cartwheeled into the erstwhile, boringly predictable routine. But before that my toppled world had to be tidied up and put back on its feet – curtains to be put up, furniture  to be placed back, the closets to have a semblance of cleanliness, the kitchen to be made workable, the bathrooms to be sanitized – the infinitely haphazard to be compartmentalized into a tight and finite consistency, in order to appear ‘normal’.

And that, my friends, was the most domineering task resulting in sleepless nights and migraine-inducing hangovers. As I tried to assess the enormity of the work that lay ahead, the beginning seemed blurred and the end as far away as the horizon. There were things of urgent requirement, there were accumulations of love and passion and there were stacks and stacks of those which had long outlived their utility and usage. The last had to be disposed-off forthwith and the former had to be arranged carefully sooner than the blink of an eye, in order for life to become functional. It was the ‘sentimental stuff’, on which one gazed for endless hours with a wistful sigh, that is, if the whizzing hands of the clock permitted one to do so, that posed serious problem – those I did not know where to keep, those the flat could not provide enough space for, those were the ultimate baggage, not that I cared for them less now!

I realized how cluttered my life was, how ‘stuffed’ my existence and how constrained my domain was with the inheritances of the past, the urgency of the present and the intractability of the future. I believe every one of us has the soul of a magpie at work somewhere within. The cumulated garbage is the consequence, which had once-upon-a-time been ‘picked up’ in a do-or-die-kind-of-mental-frame now rendered redundant by time.

So what do we cling to? Is redundancy so easily definable? Today’s discard may become tomorrow’s necessity – the usual fallacious thoughts of a materialist. Giving up is not as easy as striking up a debate for or against renunciation, cooed the Devil into my ears. So I carry on, tagging with me the then, now and when, in that endless journey that we call the spirit’s quest, with the fervent hope that somewhere down life’s twisty curves and linear gait, I shall find the courage to unburden the Atlas in me and be true to my own self.

Freedom? That’s another voyage towards a distant shore…

Sang my heart…

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About gc1963

A working woman with interests in reading, writing, music, poetry and fine arts.

10 responses »

  1. সবুজ মোহাইমিনুল says:

    it’s good that u are back with ur thoughts painting on blog canvas
    if u don’t mind….
    may i ask why did u choose gc1963?

    Like

  2. piquant says:

    Dear Shree Hi! Thanx for sending me such a meaningful article. Then, Now and When…that’s the eternity of life. Creation, Preservation, Renunciation and Destruction is an eternal struggle. Call it Shamble or whatever, but this is how our life is designed. Good bad or ugly …in whatever form it appears…I call it beautiful. Yes it hurts to undo our own creation but thats exactly why we are born into this wonderful world …to learn and unlearn, from the standpoint of eternity of life. Our very own shambled life is not a burden but an opportunity to grow and develop, forge our character, breakthrough our own limitations, make impossible possible, tocast off our psudo and transient self and to reveal our true potential. Don’t feel sad and hurt, this is the fundamental property of our lives just as mirror has its own reflective property! This is what makes life dynamic and pushes us to be equally dynamic and active. I search for the undercurrent of rhythm within every situation I face and try to be in sync with it. Believe me it never fails to deliver the joy I seek.

    Loved every word you wrote. Great pearls from such a fantastic mind! Stay happy n healthy and a precious treasure of my heart Tanuja

    On Sat, Aug 11, 2012

    Like

  3. gc1963 says:

    Tanujadi,

    What a pleasant, pleasant surprise to find you on my post!! Thanks a ton for the visit and the wise comment which I always look forward to with lots of heart. True life never presents bleak moments. Even the darkest hour has sparkles of light embedded in it. It is we who have to bank upon our inner strength to surmount the hardships and awaken to a new world of sunshine and indomitable spirit.

    Shake off our baggage and rise from the ashes like the Phoenix.

    Hope to find you again and again on my posts with lots of such gems of advice!!

    Love

    Like

  4. jmathur says:

    Geeta Ji,

    Namaskar.

    Your post brought some significant points to the fore and then the comments of Tanuja Ji complimented the post by answering at least some of them. The labouring ones working with hands and hammers are happier than us because their philosophy is their work only. They do not ponder much over what they do, making or breaking. It’s us only who feel sad due to our own thoughts and attachments. I also feel the pain of losing something which I had made or acquired with pride and invested my feelings in that. However attachment always brings pain only in the long term, it’s the detachment which liberates us.

    Hope, now everything is done and you are feeling better in the renovated house.

    Regards.

    Jitendra Mathur

    Like

    • gc1963 says:

      Mathur Sahab,

      You’ve literally gone into the heart of the post.

      Yes, I suppose you are right. Those who labour do not invest much emotion into their work. If they do so, they may come to hate their implements.

      A pearl of wisdom on detachment. Wish I could attain the same! I have an emotional dependence on every animate and inanimate object surrounding me. I just realized how detrimental that is…

      Regards

      Like

  5. vimalaramu says:

    A very realistic dilemma as to what to keep and what to throw.Just as it is difficult to think of anything worthless and fit to be thrown, it is as easy for the next person who inherits it to dispose it off, because by throwing those possesions, you are throwing away a bit of your life and personality. A profound blog, Geeta.

    Like

    • gc1963 says:

      Yes, exactly! Vimala, today’s disposals were yesterday’s precious finds. The tug between past and present is what forms the dilemma of life. Thanks for the visit!

      Like

  6. Sneha says:

    I’m short of words, Geetashree. There’s so much you’ve already expressed that I really have been left with nothing to say. I could almost visualize you standing in your house, looking at the excesses and recounting lost memories. It may have been easy for the construction man, but I’m sure; we do not do it with so much professionalism. What’s life without sentiment?

    Like

    • gc1963 says:

      Absolutely, Sneha! You’ve expressed it so well. In fact, that is what my state was. Utterly confused in the midst of a topsy-turvy world. I am still organising the mess, will you believe?

      And Sneha, life is nothing without sentiments. But it is the sentiment management which is the damnedest and hardest task of life.

      Love

      Like

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