I am still not convinced what love is all about. I have still not been able to define the noblest of feelings which can be experienced only by humans in all its glorious splendour. Or is it a myth that we cling to just to make life a bit easier? Is it merely an illusion which blinds, bluffs and buffets us with an additional ounce of buoyancy where exists none. I am not sure and I do not know whether I’ll ever be. Understandably so because I have kept it away from me for so long that it has eluded me forever. I was afraid my vulnerabilities will be stripped out of the closet if I let myself loose. What an ignorant cowardly fool I have been. I have in the very beginning jumped and caught hold of the worst scenario even before the nascent bud sprouted and spread its wings. I have embraced a nightmare that is why the dreams have evaporated leaving behind a piercing, pricking, paralyzing nothingness. I have crushed a blossom before bloom. As a result the fragrance has died down before the petals could unfold in a rush of gay hues.

When I look back and around I find myself clinging to too many relationships in life! Why? I feel they are important to me and I will not be able to bear to be without them. Again a childish premise to start with! No amount of temptation can withhold what is destined to wither away. The ball of fire rising early in the morning from the East warms us with its delightful rays. But we cannot expect its glory to be imperishable. Its not!! Every evening it bids an adieu on its own giving way to the inconsiderable night striding in with its pall of gloomy darkness. But we still hope for light perhaps knowing at the back of our minds that day is not afar. But we have to let go so that it comes back to us in thousand folds. No amount of volition works here.

Mr. Snow Boot, my canine pet, came in my life nine years back. For nine years I nurtured him like a dream – feeding him, seeing to his day to day comforts, bathing him, playing with him, talking to him and most of all being with him. He was a constant companion to me. And one day without any prior intimation he was gone. I had two pairs of leash for him, a horde of medicines, dog food, choostix, toys and what not. But when the time came for him to go no amount of leashes and chains could stop him or hold him back. That is the day when I was taught the lesson to let go. I did not have any options left. I let him go. And he just walked away without looking back.

The evening previous he bade a tearful good bye to all of us. We thought it was the physical pain that made him cry. We did not know that it was his way of telling us that he was leaving us forever. It is our human weakness that we cannot anticipate the end. Or is it that we don’t want to? We keep on hoping for the best and persevering to maintain the status quo. But in this world of relativity is there any status quo?

Death makes one philosophize. That is the only thing that we can do accosted with the Unknown. We weave tales around theories and axioms and try to content ourselves with our little logics which we consider inviolable. But the undeniable fact is that we are left askance in the face of God’s will and plan. What is His plan behind Snow Boot’s departure I am still at a loss to fathom? Perhaps it will unfurl gradually. It will be a wisdom gained on hindsight. Till then I figure I will be groping about for an answer. Till then I shall await in mourning. Till then the poverty of my soul will lay bare at every bend that I take walking on the rugged terrain of life’s landscape. Till then I shall have no peace.

We buried him in a jungle. I hope in a few days to come the earth under which he sleeps is covered by plants, shrubs, weeds and flower beds, so that wild and untended as they may be, yet life’s continuity will get reiterated and the endless beginning refill Nature with limitless joy.

In loving memory of Mr. Snow Boot…

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About gc1963

A working woman with interests in reading, writing, music, poetry and fine arts.

7 responses »

  1. jaya says:

    the love we feel for a pet is the most selfless .snowboot opened that door in us

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  2. Hi Shree!
    I appreciate your sentiments and am sure each word of this write up will turn the hearts of all pet lovers. Though sad but a sincere homage. I can understand how miserable one feels as I’ve gone through this phase many times.

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  3. Geetaji,
    The fact that Mr.Snow Boot lives in your memory even after he has left, the fact that you have written a blog in his memory, that you feel for him so much, is the proof of the love that you have for him. May his soul rest in peace.

    Like

  4. Deeptangshu Das says:

    “we have to let go so that it comes back to us in thousand folds” This is one of your best write-ups I have read so far…. Nicely written with delicate and poignant words… I agree with you…. It is death that enriches our understanding of life!

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  5. Geeta Ji,

    Namaskar and Suprabhat.

    Your post has made me sad too. I have also experienced such kinds of sentiments, especially for the non-humans. I still miss the small bird which I saved in my childhood. I kept it in a small home prepared by me with an empty packet of tea-leaves, carved out a small window for it in that tiny house, fed it and allowed it to heal and grow up (it was an injured kid when I had found it). Then after becoming a grown-up bird, it left me and flew away somewhere in this world, leaving its memories with me. That was another kind of separation. When that can move me to this much extent, then your separation with Snow Boot is much more painful and hence, no wonder that you feel this much grief within and finding solace in the philosophy of life and death only.

    Such things do matter for sensitive people like us only. We lose a part of our heart with such separations. I am always attached to animals, plants and non-living things because I have found in my life that they do not betray us like human-beings.

    Sincere thanks for sharing your sentiments attached with Snow Boot through this post. You are right, such things (especially death) only teach us to let go and endure the painful losses and we are turned into philosophers quite effortlessly.

    Regards.

    Jitendra

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  6. indusww says:

    I can understand your feelings at the loss of Snow Boot, who was with you for 9 years, and your attachment with him. I hope by now you have come out of this pain to some extend.

    When we were going out of station for one month we had to give away our kitten, and I remember how difficult it was for us. Attachment and later the separation with a human or a pet, both are very emotional.

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  7. Dear Geeta,

    Life has its own way of teaching us lessons we tend to ignore in reality.
    Snow Boots was there in your life for a reason just as you were there in his. Both of you had a bond that nobody, not even death can deprive either of you of.
    I am glad that you wrote what you did in your blog – a kind of coming to terms with the demise of your loving friend……

    Like

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